Earlier in the year, I made a pledge to communicate more with my friends and family. It has worked for most, but not for all (click the link to read the post). Some people are just happier not talking about certain things. They would rather just feel how they're going to feel and have you feel how you're going to feel. And that's it. There's no in-between.
In the post I stated that my brother thought that it was a bad idea to be so open to my mom because i'd never bring her to my mode of thinking. I'll think that i'm doing a good thing by sharing everything and saying oh, so and so is having a birthday, so i'll be at her house next weekend. My mom will say ok. That sounds nice. Have fun. But then she'll sit down with the rest of the family about how I completely ignored her that weekend and I never see her. Completely skipping over all of my other attempts and the fact that I told her about it months ago.
It's what I call the NAATT mode. Many of you parents go through it with your toddlers and teens. I'm sure that I had it back in the day. So maybe this is get back for me.
NAATT mode is never/always/all the time. In a pre-teen it's when everything angers them. They can't give you a specific example, but there's no way for you to make them happy.
Child: Why can't I go back outside, you never let me do anything. You're so mean to me.
Parent: When are we mean to you
Child: Always.
Parent: Like when
Child: All the time
And then he'll go into the time when he was 5 and his parents bought him one pokemon game instead of two. He'll skip the last 7 years where he's gotten to go to basketball camp, gotten two game systems, gone to nba games that he wanted, etc.
Again, I know I had it. Who knows, although I work hard at not getting it, maybe it'll slip in again. It would be nice if we left this in childhood, but we often don't. Sometimes we go through periods where there's no pleasing us. So I have to recognize when that moment hits my loved ones and I have to leave people alone. My trying to work through it and communicate isn't going to help the situation and when my efforts aren't appreciated, I get frustrated. So in the end, we're both fuming.
So I'm rethinking my pledge of communication. Just because I think that it's better to communicate, does that mean that it's best for everyone? Communication will always be the first thing that I try but I have to learn not to force it on people. I'll always be closer to those who I can be open with, but I don't have to be super close to everyone.
I guess i'm just more bothered when people don't talk and spread skewed stories. It's like finding out that your best friend is telling lies about you behind your back. You don't want to care, but you know that you do. As a result, I try not to do the same. Everyone needs to vent. I keep my venting circle very small. This includes all of you :). While certain people anger me, I don't want others to pass judgment on them and see them in a negative light, so I tend not to share with everyone. There are things that bother me about my brother, cousins, parents, etc, but if someone else says something about them. It's gonna be on. So why should I contribute to the madness.
It's such a cliche' but I have to keep the serenity prayer running through my head because you can't change people and you probably shouldn't try:
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I'm learning the difference.
