Blushblog

Is it me or is it you

 
photo courtesy of guardian.co.uk

My coworker and I have been having a friendly debate about a situation that has arisen about her and another co-worker.  There's a guy who works in our building, let's call him Paul*.  We'll call her Wendy*.  So Paul and Wendy are really cool.  They've both been working with the company for over 10 years, so they know each other pretty well.  Both are married. 

So Wendy and Paul chit chat every once in a while.  They go to lunch every once in a while.  Lately Pauls been calling a lot more (he works on another floor) and wanting a lot more attention.  Wendy could tell that he wanted to take the situation further, however, she's not interested.   So the day finally came where he made his move.  I'm not sure exactly what he said, but he let her know that he's interested in taking their relationship to a physical level.  He didn't touch her, just told her.  She kindly let him know that it aint gonna happen. 

So here's the debate.  She said that she's offended that he even came on to her.  Her thought was "What makes him think that i'm that type of person.  I'm offended that he thinks that I'm like that."  My argument was that it had nothing to do with what type of person she was.  He was attracted to her, so he made his move.  Those that don't ask, don't receive.  She still feels like his coming on to her meant that he thought that she was a cheater or easy or something.  I'm thinking that he figures that their connection is so strong that maybe she wouldn't step out with anyone else but him.  She could've been a nun.  If he wanted it bad enough, he would've found some opportunity to try to pull her in a supply closet or something. 

What do you think?  Are his advances a reflection of her or would he have come on to anyone?
*names have been changed to protect the innocent.

The Married Man Chronicles: Kyle Richards

In the spirit of true love, we'll observe how Kyle Richards of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills holds down her marriage.  Now, there's been a lot of debate on whether her husband could've "flicked" the woman off of him.  I'm sure that he could've.  I really think that he was trying to act diplomatically.  I don't think that he had time to flick her off after hearing her slurred come on.  Their daughter was over there in 2 seconds and Kyle was there a mili-second after that.  When Kyle backed the chick up, his arm clearly wasnt around her.

It was a trip that even with Kyle storming over to her and yelling at her, it took her a second to let go.  I might've had my people waiting for her stupid behind outside of my gates (nothing can go down on my grounds).  You're gonna come to my home and hit on my husband?  At my home!!!  I dont like that and my girls wouldn't have either.  My friends and I are always ladies, but somebody messing with a husband AT the house? That's just what it would take to get the P.G, DC, and Philly out on a fool.

But like I said.  This is about love.  Kyles love for her husband.

 

If you are reading this via email, you wont be able to see the video.  Go to www.blushblog.com to see the video.

What do you think?  Do you think Kyles husband was wrong?  What would you have done?

The Married Man Chronicles: RedDelish

 

If someone were to ask me would I date a married man, I’d have to say “Absolutely not!!”  However I have dated one in the past and while a married man is a married man, I felt there was justification to my situation.

Let’s start from the beginning…our daughter had just turned one year old when I found out that he was cheating on me.  He swore up and down how he was sorry and he would never do it again, that it was a mistake, he loved me and all the other BS men feed you when they have backed themselves into a corner.  At the time, I was young, naïve and wanted to believe that this was a mistake and that he would never do this again. For almost an entire year, our relationship continued without incident. Little did I know, that his relationship with this other broad had continued as well. 

 Fast-forward to about a year after the cheating scandal, I come home one day to a legal size manila envelope addressed to me with no return address.  I open it up and inside are letters clipped from newspapers and magazines telling me that my “boyfriend” is getting married and that I need to get over what I thought I had with him.  Whoever put together this stalker type letter even went so far as to cut out a wedding dress, a bride and a groom and paste in on the letter.  I, being the naïve person that I was at the time confronted my boyfriend, with the letter in hand. Initially he denied it and asked me to give him the letter, not thinking at the time, I did.  After much back and forth, he broke down and admitted that he was getting married, to the broad he had cheated on me with.  To say I was devastated is a complete understatement!!!

 I stopped seeing immediately, more so because I refused to have anything to do with him rather than because he felt he couldn’t see me anymore because he was about to get married.  Time past and eventually they get married.  About 6 months into their marriage he starts asking to spend time with me.  Initially, I refused because hey, I was young, single and on the prowl again.  He took care of our daughter in all the ways he should have so I eventually got over the devastation and kept it moving. Again, being the young, naïve person I was then, eventually I was weighed down by the “extra” money, the gifts and the flowers that I started receiving from him and in my mind, he was mine first, so why not?  It was at that point that I did what I thought I would never do, I started dating a married man.  I justified it with the notion that ‘ol girl knew about me and chose to get with him anyway and what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

 Eventually, his wife found out that we were seeing each other and she called and stalked and threatened me the entire time.  I can honestly say that I felt no kind of way about it.  She got what she deserved. In my mind, he was married but so what he cheated on me to marry her.  I’m ashamed to admit that this foolish relationship went on for quite a while, longer that I want to admit it did. 

Now that I am older and wiser, I have come to the conclusion that despite the circumstances surrounding my dating a married man, I was dead wrong for so many reasons.  Back then I could not see that he was playing both me and his wife and because she and I were so caught up one one-upping the other, we failed to hold him accountable for his actions.

Since that debacle, I have never entertained a married man again.  I’m simply not interested in any man who has made this commitment before God and chooses to step outside of it when it is convenient for him.

Would you like to be a guest blogger for The Married Man Chronicles?  Maybe you've accidentally dated a married man that lied, chose to date a married man, consistently date married men, or maybe you're a married man who still dates women outside of your marriage.  If any of these apply and you'd like to share, email us at MMC@blushblog.com.  You can choose to use your real name or you can remain anonymous.  Also, if you unknowingly dated a married man, let us know what you chose to do once you found out.  If you choose to, let us know your angle.

The Married Man Chronicles: Creolegirl

 

It starts like this. About 3 years ago, I was out with my best friend and this young man approached me. We conversated for a minute and he seemed to be pretty decent. We were both of the same background (I'm haitian), so we exchanged numbers and talked via text, emails, and and phone for at least 2 months. Within that time he told me he lived in Florida, but was moving to Atlanta, where I lived, in a month. He already bought a house there, but was situating his job and everything else. We got along great.
 
The month was up. He moved. We hung out almost everyday. He stayed at my place, I stayed at his. I met his friends, he met mine. This went on for at least 7 months. On valentines day, after a date, as I stayed at his place while he went to work, I saw a room upstairs that had so many items packed into it.  He told me the items belonged to his sister and she was moving into his house until she got herself together. I believed him.  At that point I really didn't have a reason not to. 

Than came the big BOMB.  One night we were leaving this restaurant, driving to my place where he usually stayed the night.  He told me that he had something that he must tell me that he should of told me a long time ago and that he is so sorry and he hopes I don't hate him.  I was puzzled and had no clue what he was getting ready to tell me.  He finally blurted it out, saying he was married. He said so many other words but nothing else made sense other than the "he was married" part.  I was so angry.  I was speechless.  I just walked out the car and he started walking behind me.  I hit him, and I kept hitting him until he left.  He then text to try to plead his case. 

We stopped talking since that night, but I later learned he was married with a son and his wife was in florida the whole time because their marriage was rocky, but she had hope to move with him.

I stopped seeing him because he was married and i'm no home wrecker.  I also felt he took my choice away from me.  We talked for months on the phone.  We saw each other almost daily for almost a year and this whole time he lied.  I'm still mad now.  I ran into him while on south beach last year and he was still trying to explain himself.  He simply doesn't get it :(

So to answer your question, I was a victim of a married man , I wouldn't knowingly date a married man and I'm not married.  I have a boyfriend though that I started seeing after that whole fiasco

 

Would you like to be a guest blogger for The Married Man Chronicles?  Maybe you've accidentally dated a married man that lied, chose to date a married man, consistently date married men, or maybe you're a married man who still dates women outside of your marriage.  If any of these apply and you'd like to share, email us at MMC@blushblog.com.  You can choose to use your real name or you can remain anonymous.  Also, if you unknowingly dated a married man, let us know what you chose to do once you found out.  If you choose to, let us know your angle.

The Married Man Chronicles: Brown Sugar

Happy New Year Blushing Ladies – it’s been a while since I’ve put pen to paper. While ushering in the New Year I decided to take a look back at all of my unsuccessful dating/relationship attempts to see what where I went wrong. I stumbled on this minor yet very important detail. When I said I wanted a husband..I neglected to mention one that didn’t come with a wife already. Thus the idea was born…the Married Man Chronicles.

 

Dear Mrs. X - Why don’t you ask him, your husband, why he’s acting like he’s single?

Let me provide some back story shall we?

I was at a happy hour at a popular nightclub here in DC on a warm Friday night, when I met a man. *pause for effect* Nice conversation, easy on the eyes, tall…he asked me out and I said yes. No harm, no foul. So we agreed to meet the following Wednesday for breakfast before I had to go to a late morning work meeting. Nothing fancy..just some pancakes and conversation. After breakfast we agreed to go to the movies on Saturday night.

Being the kind person that I am (hold your snickering) I called him that Friday evening to confirm our plans for the next day. I ended up leaving a voicemail. No big deal..he was probably busy. Saturday afternoon rolls around..no return call. I start to get the impression that perhaps things will not go as planned. So being the resourceful girl that I am I started calculating a back up plan. I can’t quite recall what I did but that’s neither here nor there. Sunday rolls around…and it’s my favorite night of the week because the Sopranos are coming on HBO. After my hour long stereotypical Italian mob fantasy was over..my cell phone rings. Who’s calling me at this hour?

 

Me: Hello?

Her: Do you know XYZ?

Me: Yes

Her: Why are you leaving voicemails on my husband’s cellphone

*eye roll and frantic floor pace*

Me: Excuse me?

Her: Why are you leaving voicemails on my husband’s cellphone

*standing still and snapping back to reality*

Me: Why don’t you ask your husband why he’s going around acting like he’s single? I met him a week ago at a happy hour and he made no mention of being married or of your existence

*pause for effect..cause yes damnit I TOOK IT THERE*

Her to him in the background: Oh I don’t exist? Oh you’re not married

Me: *GET HIM GIRL*

*insert him yelling in the background*

Him: Oh I didn’t tell you I was married? Huh? Huh?

Me: Look don’t try and fake in front of your wife..you know good and hell well u didn’t me you were married..

*inaudible arguing*

____________ phone goes dead

 

Now under normal circumstances I would hit redial..but I said “self..she’ll call back”.

 

Monday evening I am leaving Pool League and my cell phone rings …it’s her. She apologizes for how she approached me the night before on the phone. Apology accepted…again no harm, no foul. I proceeded to explain to her the details of how we met. She then informed me that they have a shared cell phone plan and she has access to his call history and she saw my number pop up out the blue. When I left the voicemail she heard it and confronted him. His side of the story – I was a customer he was trying to sell to. *I know I know…negro please*. I politely said to her: “Ma’am (yes I went the extra petty route) I am not a customer of your husband’s. I don’t know what he’s selling and I am not buying. You have my contact information. Should you have any further questions you know how to reach me. Good luck.” We exchanged cordial good byes and I hung up the phone. Feeling vindicated I carried on about my happy lil way thankful I dodged a married man bullet. She did call one more time, but I missed it..and she didn’t leave a message.

 

But would you believe I ran into this bastard just a few weeks later at the same club on another warm Friday night. *le sigh* Let me set the scene for you …it’s key to the story.

 

We are seated on a circular sofa across from about 3-4 men who are within ear and eye shot of what happened next. I am sitting down and he comes and sits his happy dick down beside me. (yes I said happy dick. Don’t judge me)

 

Him: Hey, How are you?

Me: I am fine

Him: I am sorry about what happened a few weeks back. I hope we can still be friends. He puts his hand on my thigh and my *black out begins about now*

Me: Friends? You can’t possibly think we can be friends?

Him: shock and awe washes over his face

Me: How’s your wife? Doe she know you’re out here at happy hour acting like your single still? Would you do me a favor and tell her I said hello.

*black out fades and I return to reality*

The men across from us couldn’t pick their jaws up off the floor fast enough, in part because I wasn’t nasty about it. As a matter of fact I was quite cordial. I then politely removed his hand from thigh and sauntered away.

 

 

That was the last time I saw him at any happy hour in DC.

Update on the whorin married man

 

Hey ladies

I'm sooo ready for this to go away, but thought that i'd update you on the goings on.   So after all the drama went down Saturday before last with the whorin married man.  The following Monday, it popped up again. 

While at work I received 5 calls back to back from a number that I didn't recognize.  I already don't answer calls from unrecognized numbers, but if you don't leave a voice-mail, you can hang it up.  The funny thing is that I knew it was her.  Even without picking up the phone, I knew it was her.  Who else would call me back to back five times without leaving a message?  But hey, i'm at work.  I don't need the drama of that phone call while i'm at work, plus the reception at my desk isn't great so i'd have to repeat things and maybe talk louder than usual and I don't need the whole office in my business.  Just my blogging friends.

Anyway, to sum it up, she text me and asked if I'd talk to or seen him since saturday because she wants to get a divorce.  I figured that this was just a little check-in and she just threw in the divorce thing to gain a little more info.  Somehow, without talking to her, I didn't believe it.  Not sure why she felt the need to throw it in.  Anyway, I assured her that I was out of the situation and even if he tried to contact me, it wasn't a big deal because i'm done.  I have no desire to speak to him or see him again.  I'm out.  I told her that if she decided to work it out, I wouldn't be a factor.  She simply said thanks.  I think that's all she wanted.  She just wanted to know that whenshe stayed, I would no longer be occupying his time.  Honestly, I hope that they come to a peaceful middle-ground.  We hadn't been dating that long, they have kids, I hope they find a good way to work it out whether it be together or apart.  But sadly, without fear of repercussions, I doubt that i'll be the last.

One thing that I got to ask is how she found out.  I'd been dying to know.  She said that she figured out that he was lying to her, to come see me.  Then she found out that he lied to his mother and wasn't where he was supposed to be.  The nail in the coffin is that she heard him talking to his friend about me, that's how she got my name.  So she went into his phone and read his text messages and BOOM!  It was on.  After reading his text, i'm not quite sure how he thought that he could lie.  Unless she hadn't told him about reading the text yet.  Either way, he's stupid.  What cheater doesn't delete the text?  I hope that I'm out of this little triangle.  If I happen to see him again, he won't even need sunglasses in the summertime because i'm throwing straight shade.

I've been bamboozoled by a whorin married man

Hi friends.  Ok. This is one for the books.  I wasn't paying enough attention and I've been bamboozled.  

So I'd been seeing this guy that works for the same company that I do.  He doesn't work with me directly.  In fact, we just happened to meet each other in passing.  He's only in my building once a week for about an hour.  Other than that.  I don't really see him at work.  

Anyway, things were decent.  He had 2 kids.  One was a little younger than I'd normally like.  4 months.  There were a few things that he did that had him headed for the bubble.  And the bubble is not a good place.  It's like probation.  When I say that a guy has been put on the bubble, he's in trouble, cause once the bubble has burst, it's a wrap.  I should've followed my instinct.

Anyway, I digress.  So we'd been seeing each other, having lunch together. He'd spent the night once.

Well, this past saturday I got a text.  As a matter of fact, since we're all so close, I'll share the exact text and what was going through my head.

Him: Look can you tell this girl that we work together
Me:   Tell what girl
Him: The mother of my children
(Screech, um first of all, to my knowledge, he has two kids and two baby mamas.  From the above i've figured out that he's in a relationship with the youngest mom and i'm HOT.  I'm wondering if she's reading his text and sooo)
Me:   We work together and not that we're seeing each other?  What r u talkin about.  Y would I have to tell her that.  What is going on.
Him:  Just tell her we work together so she can stop askin questions bout u.
Me: Y is she asking about me and how would I even talk to her...is she gonna call me or something.
HIm: Probably
Me:  She has my number?  Fine tell her to call me.
(Clearly I wasn't getting anything out of him and I was NOT happy.  I had 3 back to back calls from an unidentified number that didn't leave a voicemail about 2 hours before this.  I wasn't sure if that was her.)

So then my phone rings

Me: What is the issue.  Why am I even involved in any of this.
Him: Can you just tell her that we work together at xyz company in our (work city) and we work together.  
Me: WHAT! ( i meant it rhetorically by the way)
Him: Can you just tell her that we work together at xyz company in our (work city) and we work together.  
(I'm bewildered by his audacity and he had the nerve to sound frustrated, so I go quite for a second.)
Him: Hello
Me:Yeah
Him: Can you just tell her that we work together at xyz company (I interrupt)
Me: Stop repeating yourself and put her on the phone if you are going to do it.
Her: Hello
Me: Hi
Her: How do you know my husband
(Errrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk)
Me: Your what?
Her: My husband
Me: He's married?
Her: Yes, he's married and we have 3 kids.  
Me: He said he had two.  

So just to sum it all up, she confirmed that he has 1 biological with her and the other two that live with them are hers from a previous relationship.  He does have another biological son that doesn't live with them.  She goes on to ask how we met, yadda, yadda, yadda.  We were probably only on the phone for a couple of minutes or so.  She was obviously sitting right next to him because every once in a while she'd say something to him like, "Oh, I'm just a baby mama huh?" and then ask another question.  All I know is that the night that he stayed with me, he must've told a big one because when she put two and two together on the date, she said "you mutha--," I heard a thump and the phone went dead.  I'm not sure if she hit him or hit him with the phone.  Honestly, I don't care.

My thing is that how did he expect me to lie for him when he'd lied to me?  In fact, he and I just happened to be watching cheaters a couple of weeks before and I specifically said, If a chick and cameras come up on me and I don't know that the dude is married, he's going under the bus.  If I knew that he was married, then I'd have to take the L and take my lumps, but if he lies to me, he's short.  I mean we had this EXACT conversation. What did he expect me to do?  

So after all of this, what do I get later that night?  A text that simply says, "I'm sorry."  I'm sitting here thinking, are you serious?  My reply said, "Dude save it..ur such a liar..and i cant believe u thought that i'd actually lie 4 u after u lied to me...u r trippin..u suck..apology NOT ACCEPTED"

After all of this, I relay an abridged version to one of my guy friends.  Do you know what this dude said?  It was grimy that I dimed him out.  I must've wanted to hurt the girl because I was hurt.  Guys are so stupid sometimes.

I told him that the only way that she could've known about me is if she read his text and if she read his text, she already knew.  He was always mucho descriptive in his texts to me.  There is nothing worse than you knowing something and someone keeps lying to you.  And she said that she knew that he was trying to text me on what to say earlier.  So while I didn't owe her anything, I certainly didn't owe him anything at this point.  And let's not forget.  I told him what was going to happen if he lied.  He chose to lie, I followed through on what I promised.  He's taking sympathy for this shystey little liar that he doesn't even know.  I told him that it makes me look at him sideways now.   I gave this dude plenty of opportunities to tell the truth.  He didn't.  So, oh well.  I've never had a wife or girlfriend call me before.  I can't believe it.  Even if I walked in a restaurant and he was with his wife, I'd say hello and keep it moving.  But for her to call me.  And him to come at me with instructions.  Uh uh.  Violation.  I'm going back to the old me.  I'm always told, "well give him a chance, you're being to hard."  But this didn't happen before.  I always had a reason to do whatever I did.  I went against my instinct and this is what happens.  I know how Sheree felt last night on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I let him in a little too early.   This dude.

Blushing Ladies:
What would you have done?  What's your opinion? 

P.S. Did you see "The Doctor" on The Housewives with dress pants, dress shirt, blazer and flip flops.  *side eye*

UPDATE: The wife called and sent me a text. Read here 

No, you aint still got it + Sequined Girl + American Black Film Festival

Ok so a guy that I used to "deal with" (he was never a boyfriend) announces that he has a girlfriend on facebook.  We all know that, that is the equivalent to sitting with your girl at the lunch table and letting her wear your jacket in high school.  So he and I talk on IM every once in a while.  It's your typical hellos and that's it.  So the next day I say "Congratulations.  I see that you finally settled down."  I know that this young lady had been after him for a while and I give her kudos for waiting for him and him kudos for finally settling down.  He mentions that he's finally "turning in his player card" and settling down.  He then proceeds to spend the next 15 or 20 minutes talking about the one and only weekend we spent together months and months ago. 

I have to remind him that it's in the past.  I tell him to "Scroll up.  You're settled down."  I don't feed into it.  That conversation is ended.  Now keep in mind, I haven't spoken to this guy on the phone since April.  We haven't had any "dirty" talk since about Feb/March.  We live pretty far away from each other.  It would take a plane ride for us to hook up.  

I wake up the next day and look who I have a missed call from.  It's the "IM" guy.  All this time.  NOW you want to call me.  So I don't call him back.  I IM him and ask why he wants to call me after all of this time and now that he has a girlfriend.  He doesnt really have a good answer.  I mean.  Why can't dudes just behave.  I'm not sure exactly how long they've been exclusive, but it's only been published for a few days.  And we know that in this day and age, once it hits facebook, it's big!  It's official.  Biggie said that you're nobody til somebody kills you.  Well in the relationship world, you're nobody until you're linked up on facebook.  Let your boyfriend tell you what he wants.  Now i'm a fan of not putting your business out there until it's official.  If we're dating, you're not going to be all over my wall spreading business.  But it's not going to be too many girlfriends who are not going to be on their boyfriends info page. Maybe he's trying to see if he's still got it.  But after a couple of days?  Good luck girl.

Sequined Girl

I recently saw a casual sequined top and am now in awe of casual sequined looks.  I love them!  I think that they can make you look fabulous without going overboard. 

But of course, lets not forget how stunning they can make you look for a fabulous night out on the town.

Black Dressesby Laundry by Shelli Segal
Sandals by Michael Antonio

Cocktail Dressesat eDressMe
Evening Dressesby Scala

 

AMERICAN BLACK FILM FESTIVAL

I'd like to give a special shout-out to my Blushing Ladies at the American Black Film Festival in Miami this year.  I wish I could've joined you!  Don't hurt em ladies!  Better yet, please do and tell me alllll about it!  Hugs and kisses!

What Do We Really Want?

Ok, when Tiger, Shaq, and our cousin next door cheat on their wives with numerous women, we say, "Why do they keep cheating?  Why don't they just leave?"  Guess what Tiki did.  He left.  Reportedly for a young intern.  While his wife is pregnant with twins!  Now, the buzz is that he's been seen with this young intern in public before he left the family home, which is not the best for anyone.   But if the reports are true, did he do what we all said would be the best thing?  He saw something else that he wanted, so he left rather than continue the affair while staying home and keeping up appearances with his wife.

Now, people have theorized that she was behind the breakup and that she is why he's leaving his wife.  That could be.  But maybe not.  Who knows how long they've been bumpin uglies.  Tiki has been with his wife since college.   Affair or not, I doubt that they decided to throw away an 11 year marriage and a relationship that has lasted longer than that over night.  Hell, within a couple of months.  I would imagine it would've been brewing for a minute (aka a long while).  One good night over wine could've produced a baby. 

As normal, I'm digressing.  I say all that, to say, ultimately, we want our men not to cheat.  We want them to stay faithful, wonderful, and consistently sweep us off our feet.  What's the second alternative.  What if they change their minds midway through the process and we can't work it out? 

All i've heard this week with regards to the Tiki situation is, he's just like Tiger, he's just like Tiger.  I don't really know enough about this situation to say what's going on.  For all I know, in a couple of weeks, it could come out that he's had sex with 15 strippers and he could have 12 kids.  But it brings up a great question of what we really want when the love is gone on one side and not the other.  Seperate from Tiki himself.

If this situation plays out the way that it has been going, then no, he's not like Tiger.  I feel for his wife.  And I hope that she finds someone younger, hotter, and who loves her and her kids for life.  I can't imagine having to get over someone and having to divorce him while in the public eye.  I actually hope that everyone heals quickly.  It has to be rough for all involved.   You can't always control your heart.  Only your actions.

Blushing Ladies:  What are your thoughts?  Do you think he was wrong for leaving?

Who You Callin A Groupie? Me? Oh Ok

So a friend of mine went to CIAA a couple of weeks ago in Charlotte and the short story is, she got it in with a well known baller.  The player is married, has kids, and is known for getting it in outside of his marriage.  I've known a couple of girls that he's gotten it in with but none that he's "taken care of." 

Now this female has a job and a college degree.  She's cute and just got out of a very long term relationship.  Based on her looks, and i'm sure she was glammed up, it doesn't surprise me that she'd catch the eye of said player. 

After her weekend she came home glowing and super excited about her night hours with him.  She noted that she told him that she was not one of these little groupies trolling through the spot.  When he asked her to go to his room.  She told him that she wouldn't go unless her friends could go.  And that he couldn't talk to her any kind of way.  Also that they weren't having sex and that she wasn't taking her clothes off.

Yeah, but after a bit of time, she went to his room.
Alone.
They both ended up naked. 
And they ended up having sex.

Now, here's where the age old debate comes in.  Does this make you a groupie?  If you ask her, she'll say no.  She is not a groupie.  But what did she do that a groupie wouldn't do?  All her no's don't really count if they changed to yes' in a matter of hours.

My opinion to her was, take it for what it was.  Chances are, he's going to call you a groupie.  He doesn't know you.  He's not going to leave his wife for you.  You got it in. You're single.  You had fun.  Don't expect anything from it.  At the end of the day, it's just another penis inside of you.  It was what it was.  Next.

I think that i respect the girl who says, you know what?  I want to sleep with LL Cool J. If he asks me to go to his room. I'm going. I'm going to get naked. I'm going to walk out.  If he calls me again. I'll get naked again.  And that's all there is to it.  I don't care what you say.  He doesn't even have to remember my name the next day.  Granted, you don't have to care what I think about you.  But that type of girl plays her position.  Way to go.  Hell, don't even tell anyone.  Just do it.  We're all grown.

I mean sitting back thinking about it, i'm sure we all have a groupie list.  Someone who is just so damn sexy, we'd drop the drawers for famous or not.  Hell.  I'm already damn near a groupie for hubba hubba, but he still couldn't have gotten it the other night, but to each his own.  I've never had a one night stand, which is what this amounts to, again, famous or not.

As much trash as I talk about what i'd do to Idris Elba and Mike Bivens (yeah..crush from way back).  I think that my ego is just too big for me to even begin to be regarded that way.  I've met some of my biggest crushes and couldn't even put it out there like that.  But when I talk amongst my girlfriends it's girl I'd blah blah blah, and he'd never know what hit him.  But at the end of the day.  I can't have anyone feel like they have the upper hand on me.  And to me, personally, I feel like the entertainer would feel like they have the upper hand on whoever the groupie is.

But my thing with groupies and jump offs is to own it and play your position.  Those that know me hear me say it a million times.  If you sleep with a dude on the first night, if he's famous, he may think that you're a groupie.  If he's not, he may think that you're "fast" as my grandma would say.  But if you want him, (and it's my preference that you're both single), screw it, take him.  If it develops into something more.  You'll laugh about it while you look at your grandchildren play on the floor.  I've heard of it happening.  It's all good.  But don't get mad when others call you fast, a mistress, groupie, or a jump off.  Because there's a good chance that, that's what you'll be regarded as.  Shrug it off and move on.  You wanted it. You got it.  Who cares.  Problem is, if he belongs to someone else, whoever he belongs to may come along and beat the living daylights out of you.  I would.  So expect it.  Take it.  And limp along.  You two can limp together.  It'll be cute.  It trips me out when girls go, "his wife or girlfriend tried to beat my ass."  Like they can't belive it.  Ummm, if you knew he was married, granted, he deserves to get his ass kicked too, but you are definitely getting a beat down right along with him.  Ok, I digress.

My brother's girlfriend and I had a conversation this weekend about "kept women."  The kind that are kept by famous single men like Kanye, Diddy, and George Clooney.  What if you're like an Amber Rose type of girl.  What if people start off calling you a groupie or a jump off, but you get to travel to Europe and around the country and get to chill at wonderful events.  Again, if you don't have anything else going on.  Shrug it off and live the life.  Hell, you don't have any bills to pay.  Call me from Italy.

On the flip.  What if you meet an entertainer.  You get to know him.  You hang out and you really like him.  How do you make it clear to him that you aren't a groupie.  Whereas you would normally sleep with a dude on a third date, do you have to make him wait until the 8th or something?  Man.  it's a tricky game man.  A tricky game.  I'd say just do you.  If it pans out, it pans out.   Famous men deserve good women too.  But it's shady on both sides of the coin.

***SIDE-NOTE****
After I wrote the above commentary, I came across this blog post.  Love it.  Own it.  What do you think?

Blushing Ladies Speak:

What do you think?  Do you think my friends actions make her a groupie because she played the "no" game first or regardless?  Do you think that none of it makes you a groupie and that it's all good?  Who would you be a groupie for?  And under what circumstances?

~Rae