Blushblog

Back in the Club

I'm not a club person. I haven't been in a while.  Now that i'm 33, my crowd patience has severely decreased and my crazy guy tolerance is ultra low.  But there are some wonderful sights that bring me great joy.  I can sit back and laugh at the sites for hours.

Here were some of my club observations.  Some good, some bad

• Guys can be so rude.  A guy wouldn't even let me take my coat off before grabbing my hand and wrapping me up.  My coat was down to my elbow, so he's grabbing my hand and the other half of my coat is touching the floor.  Back it up man.  It's not like he even attempted to help me take it off.  He says like 10 words and then asks for my phone number.  It seemed like the high school move where you went in just to see how many numbers you could get.
• There was a girl there in this exact outfit with fishnets and thigh high boots.  I wouldn't have worn it to a club, but she was having a good time, so more power to her.
• I had a guy walk up on me out of the blue and hand me his cell phone.  When I shrugged my shoulders like "what am I suppose to do with this," he said, "Put your number in it."  I handed his phone back to him.  I should've put it in my purse or threw it across the dance floor.  Arrogant ass.  No hello, how ya doin, what's your name.  Nothin.
• Another guy was doing what my friend and I called the "pelvic dance."  He danced with me by trying to push his pelvis against my pelvis.  The top half of him was literally leaning back.  I kept moving backwards and he kept coming at me with his pelvis.  I had to cut that dance short.  Hell, I might be pregnant right now.
• I had another guy try to gyrate on me.  Much like the pelvic dancer.  As I did my two step backwards away from him, he said "you don't like me do you."  I said "why do you say that."  He says "because you keep runnin' from me."  I said "I don't know you."  He said "But if you liked me, you'd be up on me."  Would I now?

• Another guy who'd asked me to dance all night and I'd politely turned him down finally came over at the end of the night and said "I don't even want a dance no more.  I want a date."  Ok, I'm not gonna lie, that line got a chuckle out of me, but I still had no intention of going out with him.

• If I'd turned down a guy to dance and he was in my vicinity, I had to sit perfectly still.  Even if a song that I liked came on, because the guy who just asked me to dance, would be on it.  He'd be in front of me saying "come onnnn let's dance.  Come on.  Come on."  I just wanted to scream NO!!!!  Let me just sit and bob my head.
  

So the question becomes, how can you turn a guy down for a date or a dance without seeming like a stuck-up diva?  I mean, let's be real, you don't want to dance with everyone.  And you certainly don't want to give everyone your number.  Some guys assume that you think that you're "all that" because you said no.  But damn.  You'd have to say yes to everyone.  And i'm sorry, that aint' gonna happen.

On the flip, you could tell the real O.G's because they'd walk up, extend their hand and if you said no, they'd keep it moving and ask the next girl.  I have respect for them.  They aren't spending the next 15 minutes standing in front of you, wiping their sweaty face and head with their shirts, wondering why you don't want to straddle them on the dance floor.  I respect the attempt, but if a girl says no, shake it off.  Keep it moving. 

~Rae

Living with Layoffs, Signs of Depression + My Fantasy Look of the Day

Image: Storm of X-Men from Fan Pop

Life brings adversity.  At some point or points during your days on this earth you will be faced with misfortune, and as misfortune would have it, that tribulation will manifest when you are not prepared for it.

Budget cuts, poor sales, loss of clients, reorganization, restructuring and/or any other factor that results in employee layoffs have touched every industry.  Many believe that only the private sector has contributed to the jobless numbers but the local governments have contributed to those numbers as well.  IT professionals, consultants, lawyers, and teachers are just a few of those who have been laid off at the private and government sectors. In both sectors, I have friends who have been bequeathed with the henchman-like duty of laying off coworkers.  They have felt guilt at being the one that handed down the bad news and relief that they survived another round of the companies lay offs.  Now they work with one eye on their backs to be on the other end of those job cuts.  As would be expected, the anxiety and panic of hoping to keep their jobs and hustling to send out resumes is taking its toll.

As for my friends who have been laid off, stress does not begin to describe their emotions.  As a contract employee who has had significant employment obstacles this year, I share that stress.  Once abundant contract opportunities have become scarce.  While life has dealt much tougher realities, lay offs can be uniquely daunting when you have a mortgage and kids who rely on your to provide.  So, now what?  What do you do when you have been laid off?  Easy.  You look for another job.  What do you do when jobs are few and far between or you are just one of hundreds or thousands applying for a single position?  What do you do when employers are offering salaries that are significantly less than your skill set previously demanded?  Well, you take it or try your luck and hold out for another opportunity. However, there are many that have not had the fortune of being offered a position. 

Whether you are the designated henchman who now waits for your own ax to fall or a laid off employee, perhaps the time has come for you to reinvent yours.  This, like most things, is easier said than done.  First and foremost, you have to determine your goals, access your skills, and evaluate the means you have to reinvent.  Are you going to go back to school?  Are you going to switch professions?  Do you need to rework your resume?  Are you going to start your own business?  Are you going to downsize your lifestyle and start again?  No matter what you choose make the choice because it is something that you are legitimately interested in and not something that you think you should do.  Success should always include happiness.  This is an opportunity to do some soul searching.  Whatever your situation, try not to internalize and be too critical of yourself.  Sometimes things are what they are.  There will be times when you are on top of the world and other times when the world is on top of you.  Regroup and push forward.  To keep things in perspective, be sure to continue to engage in the things that bring you joy.

Because these are stressful times, please be aware of symptoms of depression.  The symptoms include, but are not limited to, the following...

• Loss of energy
• Loss of pleasure in almost all activities
• Insomnia or Hypersomnia
• Significant loss weight loss or weight gain
• Thoughts of death or suicide
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Loss of sex drive
• Irritability
• Difficulty Concentrating

On a lighter note... Here is my Fashion Fantasy Look of the Day

Today, in my parallel universe I am a bouncer at a Hollywood Awards Show.

Just a Vent

This has been a crazy and frustrating week for me.  Work has been the pits.  So maybe its because i'm a little irritated, but I've heard the craziest things this week:

• There's a guy that I used to go out with.  He was famous for breaking dates at the last minute which got super frustrating.  I mean the sucker wouldn't even call until the last minute.  So needless to say, I dont really see him anymore. Haven't seen him since August.  We chit-chat on IM sometimes.  So his birthday just passed.  I offered to take him out for a drink.  He says "all I get is a drink."  Ummm yeah dude..that's it.  Was he looking for dinner?  Some goodness?  Why would he expect more?  He can't even show up often enough to achieve jump off status.

• I ordered a pizza.  It came to $13 and some change.  I hand over a $20 bill.  The delivery guy puts it in his pocket and has to stop himself from turning around and says "oh, you want change."  No.  I'd like to give you a $7 tip after being charged a $2 delivery fee.

• I'm waiting on a call about an issue.  The person says, "I have to finish some paperwork and I'm on it!"  It's like 3 days later.  I follow up and they send a message for me to cool it because they are still doing paperwork!  With an exclamation mark!  Should I assume that it's gonna take 3 days.  That's like me saying, I'll call you as soon as I get home and when you call me back after a few days I say, "I said i'd call you when i got home!  Stop bugging me."  But I never told you that when I said that, I was at the airport on my way to Tanzania and I wont be back for a month.

• Two Guys at work are having a conversation:
  Guy 1: I've got to show you the pics from my birthday so that you can see "The humongous bigguns."
  Guy 2: When I meet her, I'm gonna tell her that you said that.
  Guy 1: Go ahead.  I mean that's why she bought em.
  is that really the exact reason...so you could called them humongous bigguns to your friends..wow grown men...

• Then I tried to watch a video earlier that kept stopping and buffering every 5 seconds.  I was ready to smash the computer. 

So obviously I need a chill pill.  So I would personally like to thank The YBF for providing me with my chill pill.  Nothing makes me chill out more than Trey Songz.  Damn I wish that I was a video chick right now! I wasted all of my good body years in college.  I love you Trey.  Call me.
 

 

Product Endorsement of the Week

Ladies,

Does the change of season leave you longing for warmer weather, blue skies and even bluer waters? When was the last time you treated yourself to a nice vacation?

I suggest you save your pesos and check out  The Excellence Luxury Resort Group and in particular their
Playa Mujeres Luxury Resort in Cancun, Mexico.

Here's why:
1. This is an adults only property
2. Its all inclusive
3  Its a beach front resort
4 I'll let the pictures speak for themselves...

You are greeted at the door by a staff member with a refreshing wash cloth and a glass of champagne.

The resort offers a wide variety of drinks, restaurants and activity options.  But don't worry...you can also go there and do absolutely nothing! They provide a daily newsletter that lists the days activities along with the drink,alcoholic vs. non alcoholic, of the day...

There are also plenty of nightime activities including a night club and theater and Mexican themed dinner complete with Mariachi band!



The smallest room they offer....however all of their rooms have an open concept two person shower and jacuzzi tub



One of the many pools with swim up bar



One of the many night time options - X Lounge is a beach option.



Two of the daily drink offerings


A member of the Mariachi band..he had lots of personality and could shake his hind parts with the best of them....

There's always time for an after dinner Cohiba Cuban Cigar and Cognac....try saying that three times fast!

If you want to put on your freak-um dress and let your hair down...dont worry ladies..this resort offers up a night club as well...

Special shout out to the "Hat Sisters" from New England...thanks for the compliment on my dress!

And when you're done for the evening you can sleep outside on the balcony..I wouldn't recommend sleeping outside during the day unless you are really looking to tan!

Blushing ladies...remember its important to treat yourself to a get-a-way for you and your girls or that special significant other in your life.

Miss Jessie's Grow Out Challenge Update: Does Your Significant Other's Opinion Matter?

The Miss Jessie's Grow Out Challenge is right on time.  I have finally fully committed to transitioning my hair from relaxed to natural.  I have long thought about saying farewell to my relaxer, especially after I have decided to live a more organic lifestyle;  however, I never truly committed to the transition until recently.

I have never been celebrated as a patient person.  By nature and design, I am just the opposite, so I am ever the impulsive, impetuous, impatient Aries who becomes bored very easily.  At times, this temperament has been reflected in my hairstyles.  I have had long hair, mid-lenght hair, short hair, very short hair, black hair, reddish hair, blondish hair and everything in between.  Although it has been quite some time since I have experimented with color, my husband has been entertained by my occasional hair impulsion.  He prefers my short hair to the mid-length look I am rolling with now.  

I guess every man has his limits.  When I vocalized my intent to go natural he said little, however, when I told him I was considering the "Big Chop" (BC) so early in the transition process,  I was met with flat out, eye to eye, stong "no".  This actually surprised me.  He said a short crop is one thing but having a "Meshell Ndegeocello" is something all together different. Now, my intent is not to keep my hair that short but instead of waiting months for my relaxed hair to grow out I was considering just cutting off all the relaxed hair.  If I were single, I would not be thinking twice.  The reality is I am a married woman who must consider her husband's feelings.  If he were the kind of man who always had an opinion about my hair, I would take him less seriously.  Since he has so vehemently bulked at this, I feel I must be sensitive to his feelings.  Though I am eager to see what my natural hair will do, I will wait at least until January for more new growth before I get to chopping.

Since having my daughter, I have tried numerous products on her hair in an attempt to find something that complements her textures. Yes, I said textures.  (Much like my sister, my daughter's hair texture varies in the front, middle, and back.)  I know you mom's out there can relate, especially those of you (who, like me) have always gone to the salon and relied on other people to care for your hair and have no particular knowledge of how to care for a child's natural hair.  I have found some hits and misses. Now, that I have committed to the challenge I have been stalking various sites for reviews.  There is a whole world of products out there I knew nothing about.  How exciting!  After watching several youtube demonstrations and reading various and many blogs, I made a dash to Whole Foods and bought the Kinky Curly Curling Custard.  I gave her a bath and a co-wash (cleansed her hair with conditioner only) and applied the Kinky Curly Curling Custard.  When her hair dried, it looked great!!!  I am super and super excited.  The KCCC brought out her natural curl beautifully.  Now she can wear her curly fro without it drying out and looking frizzy.  I can't wait to use this stuff when I transition to my natural hair.

Kinky Curly Curling Custard gets a mega thumbs up from me.  I still want to try the Kinky Curly Come Clean Shampoo, the Knot Today, and the Tiny Twirls.  I'll keep you posted.

A special shout out to the ladies in the Natural Hair chat on Twitter.  Thanks for the great info.  The group meets on Sunday nights at 10pm on Twitter.  Type #naturalhair in the search bar and you are in.

Blushing Ladies Speak:

Have you experienced a similar reaction from your significant other?  How did you handle it?

 

Martha Speaks

I don't know about where you live, but for my area, we seemed to have skipped spring and have been thrust right into summer.  I've been meaning to put away my winter clothes and pop out my spring colors and lighter fabrics.  Spring is definitely one of my favorite seasons.   I also use this time to try to reorganize.   So where do you go for organization and space saving tips.  The queen of organization of course.  Martha Stewart.   Below are some of my favorite tips from her.


Utilizing Extra Space in your Medicine Cabinet



Make the most of a tight space with these easy tricks. Have galvanized metal cut to fit the back of the cabinet and inside the door. Adhere metal with caulk. (If your mirror has clips, loosen them, and slide the metal behind them.) Attach magnetized hooks, a notepad holder for brushes and combs, and spice canisters for hair elastics and barrettes. Group like items in votive holders and small acrylic boxes; double surface space with acrylic risers.

Fashionable Underbed Organizers
Extra sheets, blankets, and towels are at the ready when stored in rolling drawers fitted with distinctive snap-on covers to keep dust at bay.


Drawer How-To
To make drawers, measure the length and width of your bed. Build 4 plywood boxes (or have a carpenter construct them) to fit underneath; allow an inch between boxes and bed legs, and 2 1/2 inches between box tops and bed frame. Paint as desired. Add a 1/2-inch, plate-mounted ball caster to each corner of all boxes: Using a spade bit, drill a hole deep enough to accommodate caster; insert caster, and secure with screws. Attach 2 drawer pulls to front of each box. Cut fabric 1 inch wider than each box on all sides. Turn sides of fabric in 1 inch. Iron, then sew seams in place. Using a hammer and a fabric-to-wood snap kit (available at hardware stores), screw a snap bottom to each drawer corner and to the center of each side. Affix corresponding snap tops to fabric, and secure to boxes.
(A commenter noted that she used old drawers, took the metal tracks off of them, and added casters on the bottom.  Quick and easy.)


A Pull Out Pantry for Shoes?


Normally utilized in kitchens, a pull-out pantry becomes a shoe closet when the shelves are installed at an angle; professional assistance is recommended for this project. Nonskid shelf liners prevent pairs from sliding when the unit moves


Keep Thin Fabrics from falling off of Wood Hangers



Swatches of Ultrasuede fabric, affixed to wooden hangers with a bit of craft glue, provide just enough traction to keep delicate blouses, camisoles, and other hard-to-hang garments from tumbling to the closet floor.


Create Boot Hooks out of cup hooks


Homemade hangers preserve the shape of tall boots and maximize space. They're created by replacing the knobs on cedar boot trees with large cup hooks, which are screwed into the tops. The trees and boots then hang from a café
curtain rod.

Bookends for T-shirts



Tame your T-shirts by folding them into thirds and arranging them folded-end up in the drawer, rather than flat (this is an overhead view). Metal bookends, painted blue and outfitted with rubber surface protectors, hold the shirts upright, letting you see each one.

No Room for Storage in your Bathroom?  No Problem


Just add a bookshelf above your door to add instant storage.  You can find them at your local hardware store, or make one yourself.  It's a great place to keep supplies that may need to be replenished.


Organize that Linen Closet


Prevent folded clothes and linens from toppling with wooden dividers. Choose shelf brackets with the long side measuring just less than the height of your shelf and the short side equal to or less than the depth; place the shorter side of each on the shelf and the longer side against the wall. To secure, drill two wood screws into each bracket from the shelf's underside.

Classy Labels

Keep pantry staples organized with a set of glass storage jars customized with etched lettering. 

1. Clean and dry the glass. Using painter's tape, mark off the area you want to etch. Attach vinyl stick-on letters and decorative tape; press hard to ensure they are attached firmly. 

2. Cover work surfaces (be sure to work in a well-ventilated area). Put on protective gloves and an old shirt with long sleeves. Paint an even layer of etching cream onto glass. Let stand for amount of time indicated by manufacturer's instructions. 

3. Rinse with warm water in a stainless steel sink. (Avoid porcelain sinks; the cream damages glazed surfaces.) Remove letters and tape.

 

Prostitutes on Sale

Everyone is feeling the crunch of the recession.   I've been more diligent in my coupon clipping and have been eating in a lot more than normal.  But I read an article on Monday that has truly solidified the fact that everyone is tightening their belts.  Well, not everyone.

Reuters published an article detailing the effects of the recession on the German Sex Industry.   Prostitution is legal in Germany.  And it seems to be a booming business.  However, according to the article, clients that would normally visit the brothels two to three times a week are only coming once or twice a week. 

So what's a brothel to do?  Offer promos and discounts of course.   Promos include loyalty cards, senior citizen discounts, free shuttles, and flat rates.  I found one particular promo extra interesting.

"Berlin's "Pussy Club" has attracted media attention with its headline-grabbing "flat rate" -- a 70- euro admission charge for unlimited food, drink and sex between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m."

"Our offer might sound like it's too good to be true, but it's real. You can eat as much as you want, drink as much as you want and have as much sex as you want."

The club manager stated that the above promo helped keep their current staff gainfully employed.  This is a great accomplishment since many of the other brothels are having to lay people off.  Turnover is at a high.  Personally, I think it's genius.  Unless a man has found his way to that little blue pill.   The reality is, how many times will a man really be able to have sex in a 6 hour period?  Give him a couple of drinks, 1, maybe 2 rounds of lovin, and some food and he'll probably be passed out for at least 4 of the six hours.

The professionals are also having to deal with an increase of career women moonlighting as prostitutes.   Hell, in this economy, the men may find it easier to get lucky off of a free meal and a movie.  A girls gotta eat.


 

DEFINITELY, maybe

Hello Ladies
Sorry that I'm posting this so late.  It's been a crazy week.  I've been exploring options to return to school for my masters degree.   This has been a tedious process.  But I think that I know why.  I'm being impatient!  Or am I?  I am in a rush to get this process over with and to leave the grind of my 9-5.  My job has me ready to bang my head into a brick wall.  Repeatedly.   All that keeps running through my head is the commercial for that comedy where two friends decide to shoot porn.   In it, the girl says something like,  "these are the situations people find themselves in right before they start having sex for money."  Or something to that effect.  No, I'm not going to have sex for money.   But when that commercial runs through my head 12 times a day, I need a change.

On one hand, I don't want to get myself into so much student loan debt that I can't get out.   On the other hand, I already am.  I won't bore you with all of my options, but I'm having a really hard time with deciding if some of my options are brought about by soundness or impatience.   So I have my panel of sounding boards to keep me straight.  I'll ultimately do what I want to, but it's good to hear others opinions.

As I was thinking of this, I was reminded of a lady who was on the Today Show yesterday.  She'd written a book on decision making called 10-10-10.  I have to say, I wasn't really paying that much attention to the segment until she started talking about dating a married man (one of the honchos at GE) and thinking about how that decision would affect her (leave it to me to tune in to the salacious part).  In her book, she talks about not only focusing on the short term results, but also how the decision will affect you in the long term.   It's suppose to help you live according to your deepest goals and values and not so much in the right now.

I think that I may give this a try.  This is a much more systematic decision process.  While I'm often a planner, I'm normally not a systematic person, but I figure that it can't hurt.   I'll let you know how it works out.   If you want to read more about the 10-10-10 theory, click here.  Man, this being a grown up stuff is for the birds.

Blushing Ladies Speak:
How do you make tough decisions?  Has impatience ever clouded your judgment?

GOOD Getting Out Our Dreams

As I'm sure you know GOOD (Getting Out Our Dreams) is Kanye West's record label and home of John Legend and Common.  If you did not know, then you are now so informed.  Rest easy.  This is not a promo for Mr. West.  He is one of the kings of promotion and certainly does not need me to be his hype artist.  What I will hype, however, is the concept of following your dreams.  Whether you are like G Peezy and pursuing your standup comedy or like Mr. West and pursuing your music, or a scientist, or a photographer, or a writer dreams keep you alive.

Life is for living.  I envy those like Kanye West who had a dream at an early age, focused on it and pursued it.  I wish I were so inspired at any early age.  GOOD.  Every once in a while my restless spirit becomes agitated and lets me know that it is in need of stimulation, but I have not quite figured out how to ease the beast inside.  Over the last few years I have tried to ease her with skydiving, parasailing, and scuba diving but these temporary fixes were fleeting.  Now that I am a mother, I am far less willing to go jumping out of planes.  As another birthday approaches, the nagging feeling that I am not actively participating in my life is getting stronger and stronger.  If my life were to end tomorrow what legacy and lessons would I leave for my kids?  Would they say "my mom got out her dreams"?  Not likely.  Neither my degrees nor my career are particularly interesting.  Both have been accomplished by many and will be accomplished by many more.  My career, which I have grown to resent, is nothing more than a reflection of my own lack of creativity, inspiration, and self awareness.  I wish I new the importance of "know thy self" when I was in my early 20's.  I wish I knew the importance of taking chances and believing in yourself when I was in my early 20's.  If I had, I certainly would have done things differently.  However, all is not lost.  There is still plenty life yet to live (Lord willing, that is). 

A time for reinvention.  If Madonna can reinvent herself fifty times, then surely I can do it a few times.  The recession in all its mind blowing glory may just be what  liberates me from the mundane.  It is requiring me to be introspective, proactive, and creative.  My professional industry is getting hit pretty hard by the recession fall out, so I must hustle to find other means of making a dollar.  This is beginning to feel like a blessing in disguise.  My business partner and I are fleshing out our business with all necessary haste and urgency.  One of my dreams is to be self made and not to have to live in the world of bosses and performance evaluations.  Once the business is running and making money, my family and I can activate the second step in the reinvention plan.  Relocation.  My husband and I are ready to give a new city a try.  We are partial to southern cities, like Charlotte, Raleigh and Atlanta.  GOOD.  Reinvention is good for your mental health, your spirit, and your relationships. 

Blushing Ladies Speak:
What's your dream?  Have you reinvented yourself?  If so, how?  What sparked you to do so?  Are you trying to get out your dreams?

In the Know

The buzz around the DC area lately has been the alarming number of residents who are HIV positive.  It's been said that 3% of it's residents are HIV positive.  Most officials agree that 3% is a gross understatement because it only includes residents that have been tested.  There are other residents that have not yet been tested for the disease.  Considering DC's size, this is an area of great concern and is actually a wake up call for other cities.  HIV is not a game.  Chances are, most of us know at least one person with the disease.  Even if they don't know it.  I personally know of at least two people living with the disease and I know a couple of people who have lost their battle with it. 

Even for those in a committed relationship, one of the most alarming statements made was:

"Of 750 residents surveyed, 45 percent of those in a committed relationship had had sex outside of it. Forty-six percent also believed their last sexual partner was having sex outside the relationship. However, 49 percent did not know the HIV status of their last sex partner, and more than 70 percent did not use condoms."

So regardless of where you live, please go and get tested. If you're not in a committed relationship, get tested.  If you've ever THOUGHT that you're partner has cheated, get tested.  If you've cheated, get tested.  If you're in a new relationship, get tested.  If you're secure in your current relationship, but haven't gotten tested after past relationships, get tested.

You don't even have to wait days for your results anymore.  My preferred method of testing is the Rapid Blood Test, where blood is taken from your finger or a vein or fluid is taken orally and results are given within 20 minutes. 

I know that it's scary, each time that I'm tested, the 20 minute wait seems like an eternity, but once completed, i'm proud to know my status and feel empowered.  

So everyone get the power and, well you know the rest.  Get Tested!

Testing centers can be found at http://www.hivtest.org/

Blushing Ladies Speak:
Have you felt empowered after an HIV test?  Have you not taken it because you were afraid of the outcome?