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31 Days of Service - Fight for Maternal Health

(image courtesy of www.blog.timesunion.com)

In August, a college girlfriend of mine passed away while giving birth to her first child. She was 33 years old. Fortunately, her daughter lived. She is a beautiful baby who will be raised by her loving father, and she is surrounded by people of who love her and who will take excellent care of her, but she will never know her mother.  A mother's love is a love every child should know.  I think about my friend and her daughter everyday. As a mother of a 4 year old, 2 year old, and another baby due in February, this tragedy not only reminds me of my own vulnerability and mortality but also reinforces the need for increased advocacy for Maternal Health.

The United States like other countries around the world continues to struggle with Maternal Health. During the 2008 presidential election campaign, Senator John McCain suffered some much deserved backlash for making flippant, uninformed, and insensitive remarks minimizing maternal health in support of his pro-life position on the abortion issue.  In the United States, we like to think that we are more medically advanced than other nations, but according to an Amnesty International maternal mortality report 40 countries have lower maternal mortality rates than the United States and the maternal mortality rate in this country has been on the rise since 1998. The report states that "a total of 1.7 million women a year, one-third of all pregnant women in the country, suffer from pregnancy-related complications."  Minority women continue to be at the greatest risk.

Much needs to be done to protect our mothers and to ensure that mommy and baby make it home from the hospital and through the postpartum phase safe and healthy.  Are you ready to help?  The MillIon Moms Challenge is a campaign launched by several international entities designed to bring awareness and action to the global fight against maternal mortality. Visit the Million Moms Challenge website to bring learn how you can help protect moms in the U.S. and abroad.

Below is a list of just a few of the non-profit organizations that are devoted to Maternal Health:

• Life of Mothers (www.lifeofmothers.org)
• Physicians for Peace (www.physiciansforpeace.org)
• Pre-Vent (www.pre-vent.org)
• Women Deliver (www.womendeliver.org)

Call to action:  Be an advocate for Maternal Health.  Write your local representatives and tell them you want more done to promote Maternal Health.  Legislation is currently pending, so tell them to support the Maternal Health Accountability Act 2011 (H.R. 894). You can tract the legislation at http://thomas.loc.gov

Are you considering starting a non-profit but are uncertain of the cause your would like to pursue? Consider Maternal Health.

Help for families-The Cade Foundation

 
I recently came across information for the Tinina Q. Cade foundation.  Their website states that they are a non-profit organization that serves the needs of families battling infertility

The Cade foundation helps to provide funding for fertility treatments or domestic adoption.  I have personally known couples who’ve had trouble conceiving and I can’t imagine going on that type of emotional roller coaster.  The financial strain just adds fuel to the fire.  We have some great mommy’s and daddy’s out there who have yet to conceive or adopt.   I hope that this will be the help that they are looking for.  You can find more information on this wonderful foundation here.

A Possible?

Ok I haven't updated you on the love life lately because there isn't much to tell. Jeezy is still around, but not that much. He lives about 3 hours away. A friend of mine decided to hook me up with a friend of her boyfriend. She didn't know much about him though. Just that he was big and tall. His body looks like the hulk. That's a good thing. So I spoke to him and asked the general questions. Are you married? No; Girlfriend? No; Boyfriend? No; kids? Possibly. So of course I ask what that means. Here's what he said.

"I was messin around with this girl. I felt like she was messin around with somebody else and she got pregnant. The baby (A girl) was born a month early and was only 1 pound. When they said that she needed a blood transfusion, I found out she was B-. I'm not B-. See my mamas a nurse and she said that the father determines the blood type. My blood-type is different, so that's when I knew for sure that she wasn't mine.  Plus, when I told her nurse my blood-type she was lookin at me funny. I think she knew too. I knew I should've gotten a DNA test while she was already in the hospital. I knew it! But I'm gonna get a test. I'm telling you, that girl aint meant to be a mother. She missing doctor appointments and everything.  I told her mother (meaning the grandmother) that she needs to go and get the baby."

So then this is how it goes
Me: What will you do if it's not your baby.
Him: I'ma tell her mama to go and get the baby.  That girl just aint right.
Me: What if it is?
Him: I'ma file for custody
Me: How old is the baby?
Him: One and a half
Me: *side eye* Well brotha you'd better hurry up and figure out what's going on. Especially if you expect to dip out of the childs life if it isn't yours.
Him: Well I may not want to know
Me: Well you should be acting like it's yours then.  If you don't want to know, take the same steps that you would if it's yours.
Him: Yeah, I mean, we don't mistreat the baby or nothin.  But even my mama said that the baby don't look like us.  It don't have our chin or eyes or nothin.
Me: How often do you see her
Him: I try to go over there about twice a week.  With my work schedule, I don't get to see her that much.

Now.  I'm the first to admit that i'm super sensitive about the whole "daddy thing."  I'll be the first to admit that I probably have "daddy issues."  How a man handles his off-spring is really important to me because I could be in that situation at any time.  Plus I think that it shows maturity and responsibility.  We aren't 18 anymore.  So my level of respect drops when a guy doesn't accept responsibility and especially doesn't own up to it.  Some may say, "Hey, I wasn't there, but I'm there now."  I can dig it.  But something nags at me when I hear a version of the Maury show.  You can hear it everyday on his show.  The guy dates a girl, then as soon as she gets knocked up he's yelling, "That baby aint' mine.  She was messin with 8 of my homeboys Maury."  And when Maury ask what he'll do if it is his.  "I'ma take the baby Maury.  She's no good."  Ummm, if she's that bad, why didn't you step in before. 

But anyway, We had to get off of the phone. But my questions are:  If the child needed to go to the doctor, why call Grandma.  Why didn't you take her?  He never mentioned that the girl wouldn't let him see the baby.  And I understand the men that are in the "Dwayne Wade" type of situations with the crazy baby mothers that you are fighting to see your kids.

He was very adament about the girls mother steppin in.  Not so much about him taking over.  It's been a year and a half.  At some point, dont you have to accept the child as your own or find out.  If you accept the child then when someone says, "Do you have a child," you answer Yes.  If he wants custody, he can take her to court and have the blood test there. 

That's just my first impression of this man.  I'd like to get a little more info, but I have a serious side eye to this dude right now.  If my instincts are right, we can be cool, but it would take a lot for me to take him seriously with regards to dating.  I guess there are a lot of unanswered questions right now, but from the part that I know, I'm not impressed.  A friend of mine thinks that it's not his because he wouldn't leave the baby in that situation if it was.  I say he probably thinks it is, because if the baby wasn't, he would've gotten the test and removed himself from that situation by now.  Once it's confirmed that it's his, there's no reason not to step up.

What do you think?  Would you take him seriuosly after all this?  Am I just reading too much into this?

Fantasy Kids Rooms

It seems that people without kids buy expensive gifts for others little ones.  I do it for my godchildren all the time.  It's because I dont have to worry about things like diapers, wipes, and the everyday things that come after it.  I can say, oh this is soo cute and go "Oh, $40? Put it in the bag."  The parents are like, "This will last a week.  Dont spend that much money on xyz."  I even see little furniture that I want to buy them.  The parents are the sensible ones and I am in cutsie dreamland for a little while.  Then I come across this crazy expensive site called Posh Tots.  Guess what, my godchildren won't see anything from this place, but I thought that I'd share some of the fantasy gifts that I found. 

I'm with the parents on this one.  Cheaper is better.  Would you buy this for your child or anyone elses?

If money was no object and I'd completely lost my mind, these are the things that i'd buy for the children that I love before I went into the asylum.

  

 
  Olde Firehouse Playhouse-$6299

  Has a 2nd floor loft area, a firepole, hose, alarm bell, and skylight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Lighthouse Bedroom Set-$16,150

Storage unit at the base, entertainment unit.  The small house on the side is a laundry hamper when u lift up the roof and the large house are drawers.

 

 

 

 

 

Mrs Pearson Dresser-$4,500

Dresser made with painted maple 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

Fantasy Coach-$47,000

 The interior is 6ft in diameter.  Construction and delivery time for this masterpiece is over 6 months.  It's handcrafted in England and sent over to the US.  I mean.  WOW.  Oh by the way, linens are extra.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sydney Bunk Bed-$6,600

 Who needs a clunky ladder when you can have stairs. 

  

  

  

  

  

 

Fashionistas Runway Bed-You have to call for pricing. (cha ching)

 A custom made runway is attached to the bed and they also custom make the admiring models to look down upon your little tot. So you can design how you'd like.

  

  

  

 

 

Pedal Race Car in Red-$410.00

 Inspired by the 1952-1957 Ferrari F2 Racer.  It comes with chrome rims, windshield, and steering wheel.

Great Vacays for Kids and Explore with the Family

We parents often crave vacations without the kids but kids need vacations too.  They need to see and experience new things and break their routines.  Here are a few great trips for kids...

Nickelodeon Suites Resort in Orlando, Florida - Yes, there is more in Orlando than Disney and Sea World.  This is a great resort for tots, tweens, and teens.  Complete with waterpark (including daily slime time), kids spa, shows and more, your kids will remember this trip for a long time.
http://www.nickhotel.com/

Sesame Place in Langhorne, Pennsylvania - You know the kids love Elmo.  Listed as one of Forbes Top Amusement Parks in the World, this theme park is awesome for tots and youngsters.  At Sesame Place, the kids can dine with their fave characters like Cookie Monster and Abby Cadabby.www.sesameplace.com



Legoland in Carlsbad, California - I am dying to go to this one.  Legoland gets great reviews and who doesn't love a trip to California?  The Miniland attraction is a display of Lego minature structures.  Don't worry...there are waterparks, shows and roller coaster rides too.  www.legoland.com

More Family Vacay Ideas:

Why limit a kid's getaway to the United States?  I met a woman this weekend who takes over son on international tours.  It's educational and entertaining. I know you are thinking that is expensive but it depends on where you go.  Airlines often run specials to London and Madrid.  There is so much to see and learn in Europe.  How about South America?  Chile and Argentina are rich in culture and architecture.  On a tighter budget?  How about a train ride to Montreal, Canada?  Amtrak runs daily trains from DC and NY to Montreal.  Also, consider hopping on Amtrak for a tour of the country.  My cousin boarded her family on a train from San Francisco to New York.  They loved it.  It is a great way to see parts of the country you may not otherwise get a chance to see.

Sensitive Much? + Hubba Hubba Update

I agree that being a mom is definitely one of the hardest jobs in the world.  I'm not one, but I can't think of anything that can be more demanding than shaping another life. 

But let me say.  The life of a childless gal ain't too shabby either.  We do great things.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day that made me wonder if some moms really value the life of their childless friends.  We were talking about a friend of hers that had made a few selfish comments and demands of her.  She commented that "well, at first I thought that she was like that [meaning selfish] because she didn't have any kids."  Now, in all fairness, she did recover by saying, "but you don't have any kids and you're not like that." 

But after I hung up, I thought, "should that have even been in the equation?"  Can you not be giving and generous until you have a child?  My vote is that either you're selfish or you're not.  I've heard of some people changing once they have children.  They don't know what it's like to give of themselves until they have little ones.  Ok.  I can understand that.  For Them.  But don't assume that because those people were unable to do that before,  everyone else is like that as well.

I don't think that it was meant maliciously.   I don't even think that she noticed, but it tweaked my ears a little after the fact.  But maybe I just took it wrong.  What do you think?

 

Your Hubba Hubba Update

So I wrote about hubba hubba a while ago.  Sadly, we never went out.  We corresponded a few times via IM, but get this.  He went out of the country to do humanitarian work.  Yeah.  I see you shaking your head.  That's what I did.  When he first told me, I thought that he was just saying that.  I was like, yeah right.  I thought it was like one of those old black and white movies where they say that so that they could get some real quick.  But no.  He's really gone.  

He had a few going away parties.  He invited me, but I always had something going on.  It just wasn't in the cards for us.  While I didn't intend for us to get into a serious relationship, I figured that we'd have at least gone out a few times, gotten to know each other,  become really cool, and have gotten in some oiled up tickle time.  But as I said.  It wasn't in the cards. So oh well hubba hubba.  Safe travels.  Do great things.  Wonder if I should let him read this. *side eye*.   Maybe not.

Happy Friday Blushing Ladies!

Phytospecific Product Review + Make Christmas Cookies with the Kids

OK, you all know that I love finding good hair care products.  I can't help myself.  To me, there is nothing like a good product that makes your hair feel good and you feel good about your hair.  Over the course of my adult life, I have tried numerous product lines, includes Pantene, Optimum, Motions, At One, and the list goes on. 

For some time now, I have heard of the greatness of Phyto but I never took the time to seek it out.  I mean, its not at Target or my local Sally's Beauty Supply.  Once I heard that Oprah and Michelle Obama use it, I figured that if it is good enough for the Queen of Media and my First Lady then certainly I can give it a whirl.  After reading about the levels of Phyto treatment on the Phyto website, I decided that the Phytospecific Level Two Intense Nutrition was the best match for me.  I bought the Intense Nutrition Shampoo and the Intense Nutrition Mask.  I love and love these products.  My hair was soft and clean and tangle free.  Most importantly, it did not strip my hair.  My hair behaved very very well after blow drying and styling.  I only added Moroccan Argan Oil and my hair was perfect.

I also washed my daughter's hair with the shampoo and conditioner and adored the way it made her hair feel.  Her hair is sandy brown and dries out very easily.  Phytospecific did not dry out her hair like pretty much every other product I have tried.  I have to say this is by far the best and most successful shampoo and conditioner products I have used on her hair.  Trust me, I have all kinds and sorts of unfinished products under our bathroom sink.

Phytospecific offers several styling products that I am looking forward to trying, including the Moisturizing Styling Balm, Beauty Styling Creme, Integral Hair Care, and Extreme Shine Spray.  Stay tuned for those reviews.  Phytospecific hair products can be purchased at salons and online at www.sephora.com and other sites.  Visit www.phyto.com for a list of salons carrying Phytospecific products in your area.

Another tip = Moroccan Argan Oil is the truth.  It is a dry oil (meaning that it is not oily) derived from the argan tree.  It is full of Vitamin E and fatty acids.  Great for your hair and skin.  Add a cap full to your conditioner or apply it to dry hair.  I am now a Argan Oil groupie.

MAKE CHRISTMAS/HOLIDAY COOKIES WITH THE KIDS

Candy Cane Cookies

Ingredients

• 1 cup butter
• 1 cup sifted confectioners' sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 1/2 teaspoons almond extract
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup crushed peppermint hard candies
• 1/2 cup white sugar

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
2. In a large bowl, combine butter, confectioners' sugar, egg, almond extract and vanilla extract. beat until smooth. Mix in flour and salt.
3. Roll into 4 inch strips, place on baking sheet. Curve top down to form handle of cane.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 9 to 10 minutes. While still warm, remove from pan and sprinkle with candy and sugar mixture.

Sugar Cookie Cutouts

Ingredients

• 1 cup butter, softened
• 1 cup white sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 cup heavy whipping cream
• 1/2 cup colored sugar for decoration

Directions

1. In a medium bowl, cream together the butter and sugar. Stir in the eggs and vanilla. Sift together the flour and baking powder, stir into the creamed mixture alternately with the heavy cream. Cover dough, and chill for 2 to 3 hours, until firm.
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets.
3. On a lightly floured surface, roll out the dough to 1/4 inch thickness. Cut into desired shapes with cookie cutters. Place cookies 1 inch apart on the prepared cookie sheets. Sprinkle with colored sugar if desired.
4. Bake for 12 to 14 minutes in the preheated oven, until bottoms and edges of cookies are light brown. Remove from baking sheet and cool on wire racks. Store in an airtight container.

Changing my Perception of Communication

Earlier in the year, I made a pledge to communicate more with my friends and family.  It has worked for most, but not for all (click the link to read the post).  Some people are just happier not talking about certain things.  They would rather just feel how they're going to feel and have you feel how you're going to feel.  And that's it.  There's no in-between. 

In the post I stated that my brother thought that it was a bad idea to be so open to my mom because i'd never bring her to my mode of thinking.  I'll think that i'm doing a good thing by sharing everything and saying oh, so and so is having a birthday, so i'll be at her house next weekend.  My mom will say ok.  That sounds nice.  Have fun.  But then she'll sit down with the rest of the family about how I completely ignored her that weekend and I never see her.  Completely skipping over all of my other attempts and the fact that I told her about it months ago. 

It's what I call the NAATT mode.  Many of you parents go through it with your toddlers and teens.  I'm sure that I had it back in the day.  So maybe this is get back for me. 

NAATT mode is never/always/all the time.   In a pre-teen it's when everything angers them.  They can't give you a specific example, but there's no way for you to make them happy.

Child: Why can't I go back outside, you never let me do anything.  You're so mean to me. 
Parent: When are we mean to you
Child: Always.
Parent: Like when
Child: All the time

And then he'll go into the time when he was 5 and his parents bought him one pokemon game instead of two.  He'll skip the last 7 years where he's gotten to go to basketball camp, gotten two game systems, gone to nba games that he wanted, etc. 

Again, I know I had it.  Who knows, although I work hard at not getting it, maybe it'll slip in again.  It would be nice if we left this in childhood, but we often don't.  Sometimes we go through periods where there's no pleasing us.  So I have to recognize when that moment hits my loved ones and I have to leave people alone.  My trying to work through it and communicate isn't going to help the situation and when my efforts aren't appreciated, I get frustrated.  So in the end, we're both fuming. 

So I'm rethinking my pledge of communication.  Just because I think that it's better to communicate,  does that mean that it's best for everyone?  Communication will always be the first thing that I try but I have to learn not to force it on people.  I'll always be closer to those who I can be open with, but I don't have to be super close to everyone. 

I guess i'm just more bothered when people don't talk and spread skewed stories.  It's like finding out that your best friend is telling lies about you behind your back.  You don't want to care, but you know that you do.  As a result, I try not to do the same.  Everyone needs to vent.  I keep my venting circle very small.  This includes all of you :).  While certain people anger me, I don't want others to pass judgment on them and see them in a negative light, so I tend not to share with everyone.  There are things that bother me about my brother, cousins, parents, etc, but if someone else says something about them.  It's gonna be on.  So why should I contribute to the madness. 

It's such a cliche' but I have to keep the serenity prayer running through my head because you can't change people and you probably shouldn't try:
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm learning the difference. 

 

Toddler Seeks to Control Government, Plans Coup

Several years ago, the Creator blessed my parents with eternal life.  Since that time, I have sought ways to fill the two gaping holes in my life.  Those ways have included everything from the bible to vodka.  Three years ago, the Creator blessed me with a life that I never knew I was ready for.  That life can in the form of a wonderful baby girl.  Like any mom, I loved her immediately and intensely.  Since her laborious entry into our lives, she has proved herself quite the force.  Having often been told by my father that I was a stubborn and fiercely independent child, I can only imagine the bouts of laughter and knee slapping my parents must be sharing as my husband and I battle the wills and charms of this amazing little girl.  On any given day, during any given hour, in any given minute, she is charming, stubborn, clever, hot-headed, funny, fiery, self-assured, sweet and/or willful.  Choose any combination and I do not know whether to laugh at her or punish her.

At her costume/3rd birthday party on Halloween, she decided that she did not want to wear her costume.  This rebellion ensued despite the fact that she picked out the costume.  She was the Cat in the Hat but the day of the party she decided, "I want to be a mom cat not the cat in the hat."  It took several minutes of mom/auntie/daddy psychology to get her into that costume.  Over the course of the party, my stubborn child managed to change clothes three times.  Pointing out that all of her guests were wearing costumes did nothing to ease the heel she dug so firmly into the ground.  At this point, I am sure you are asking why I didn't just leave well enough alone and let her wear her dress instead.  Easy.  I decided she was going to wear that costume because she picked it out, I paid for it, and her guests had all arrived in their costumes.  All proper little girls should be good hosts.  The final showdown occurred right before we decided to take the party to the streets. (Take the kids, trick or treating at few houses on the block, that is.)  When I told her she could not go unless she wore her costume, she marched over to where I was sitting on the floor, planted her forehead on mine, pushed her nose into mine, tighten her eyebrow, squinted her eyes, straightened her arms like two sewing pins, clinched her fists, and said, "I don't like my costume. I don't want to wear my costume."  Her ire soon weakened when she realized she was going to be left in the house.  There is nothing like a good follow through to rope in an ornery toddler moment.

Give the girl her shoes.  Since she learned how to walk, my child has had a love affair with shoes.  I have had to hang my pumps and boots on hangers since she was 10 months old so she wouldn't go twisting her ankles or tumbling around the house.  Refusing to be thwarted by height, she learned that if she shook and pulled on the clothes hung next to the shoes in the closet she could cause the shoes to fall.  Every female soul that walks into this house has had to share her shoes with my daughter.  She has even tried to wear her black patten leather Mary Jane's to the pool, to bed, and to the park.  Well, mere days ago, I unwittingly took my child to paradise.  A paradise also known as DSW.  The trip was supposed to result in a new pair of pumps for me.  When I opened the door and ushered her in front of me, she took two steps and said with a mixture of delight and awe, "Wow, Mama, wow. Look at all the shoes."  She proceeded to take off her shoes in the middle of the store.  Apparently, DSW is better than Toys R Us.  So moms, if your little girl is anything like mine, DSW entertains as good as any toy store.

My son is 8 months and has his sister's mischievous grin.  I can only imagine what he is planning for us.

Gotta love the kids.

A Glimpse Into the Future

I got a call from a good friend of mine yesterday.  Her 8 year old daughter, Camryn,  is one of my god children.  Here is how the conversation went

Me: Hello
Her: I'm going to take you to court for child support because I think that Camryn is really your child
Me: Uh-oh, what'd she do
Her: She had to get a shot today and did really well, so I told her that since she did such a great job, she could pick where we'd go for dinner.
Me: Ha! What'd she say
Her: So I'm thinking that we'd go big time like Chic-fil-a or the pizza place down the street.  This child proceeds to tell me, "Well, maybe we can go to Flemings or to Twisted Fork (cheaper than Flemings, but moderately priced.  It's not a Chilis).  But we go to Twisted Fork all the time." 

So at this point I'm dying laughing.
She says, "Well Camryn, when have you been to Flemings."  Camryn says, "Isn't that where all of us went last time."  She said no, that was McCormick and Schmidt.  We were originally going to go to Flemings, but we went to McCormick and Schmidt because her brother is a picky eater and they had a more kid-friendly menu.

By the way, my friend and I ordered off of the super cheap happy hour menu, her brother ordered chicken fingers off of the kids menu.  My god-daughter also ordered off of the kids menu.  But she ordered Salmon.  The kid knows how to get down.

While I was on the phone with my friend, I couldn't resist bridging my mother in and she advised my friend that it never ends, so get used to it.  She'd ask me where I wanted to go for my birthday when I was younger and while she was expecting McDonald's or Chuck E. Cheese, I'd say Red Lobster (which was considered a big deal back then) and Houstons in Georgetown. 

Is this how my kids are going to be?  It's easy for god-mommys to dress the ladies up and take them out to teas and fine dining establishments, but if I have multiple children, they wont see the inside of a Steakhouse for a while.

I sooo love other peoples children!